Literally choking back a lump in my throat, I'm able to write today with hope: Surgery is set for Thursday February 24th.
My jaw hurts and my submandibular glands are swollen today. Although the surgeon can't guarantee that ANY of my symptoms will be relieved by the removal of this large thyroid mass, I'm hopeful that the lump plays a key part in these symptoms. And that I will find relief.
Yes, I'm scared of the surgery and almost ran out of the room when hearing again the risks and disclaimer statements that need to made legally through verbal and written statements. Lesson learned: Don't go to these doctor meetings alone or without a full understanding ahead of time about what you're getting yourself into. My only relief was that I had already discussed this with my primary care doctor and endocrinologist and I kept telling myself, "you have to do this, you've already concluded this is your only option, you already know that risk, etc, etc." If you can't research your surgery on the internet in advance, then take a loved one or someone you trust with you. Sometimes our brain hears one sentence and we grapple with it while the doctors says two or three other sentences and then we struggle to catch up. Another set of ears for you in the room will help. Some hospitals even offer patient advocates if you are alone.
My biggest fear, over the cancer possibility, is losing the high end of my singing voice but I've done all the crying I need to realize that my creativity will come out however it comes out and last resort: I can always write, so my voice will not completely disappear. But these are just worries. I must set these aside with confidence that everything will work out to God's plan for my life. They can cut things out and we can still move forward with a full life.
Medicine may not have all the answers, but it can keep us pluggin' along and singin' a song.
Life is good no matter what our circumstance and is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest. These hurdles may get in the way to slow us down, but keep running and lifting those legs and our foward motion will keep us in the game.
Caregivers: Thank you for your support and love. And for the space you provide us when our anger over our situation gets in the way. You lift us up and help us to bounce back with renewed smiles for a new day.
Go Steelers! and have a great Super Bowl weekend,
mo
